.: With All My Heart :.

Was talking to a friend on this issue last night, and he addressed my problems with this beautiful illustration.

One Father of the Church, St. Augustine, studied the mystery of the Holy Trinity and although he was at his wits' end, he still could not comprehend it. One day he was walking on the sandy beach by the ocean. There churned in his mind the mystery of the Holy Trinity. He was talking to himself: "One God, but three Persons. Three Persons--not three Gods but one God. What does it mean? How can it be explained? How can my mind take it in?" And so he was torturing his mind and beating his brains out, when he saw a little boy on the beach. He approached him to see what he was doing.

The child had dug a small hole in the sand. With his little hands he was carrying water from the ocean and was dumping it in the little hole.

St. Augustine asked, "What are you doing, my child?"

The child replied, "I want to put all of the water of the ocean into this hole."

Once more St. Augustine asked, "But is it possible for all of the water of this great ocean to be contained in this little hole?"

And the child asked him in return, "If the water of the ocean cannot be contained in this little hole, then how can the mystery which you are meditating on be contained in your mind?"

Well, it wasn't exactly the issue of Holy Trinity that was dabbling in my mind late (yes, late) last night.

But it was more of how do I interprete the obstacles / challanges in my life?

Is it God trying to say " Go on. Carry on. Don't give up. It's just a trial for me to shape and mould you to be a better, stronger person."?

Or is it God trying to say " Stop. Make a U-turn. You are going the wrong way."?

I do know that God speaks to us in many, many ways. And it's not always in a loud audible voice or sending His angels or in dreams or given verses from God.

Sometimes, the message he sends is more subtle - through advises of friends, soft voice inside your head, or your heart telling you it's right (or wrong).

The problem with me is that I tend to have a very small satellite dish (for the lack of an appropriate analogy) and it's not easy for me to pick up those subtle subtle messages.

It could be that He has send me so many, and yet I'm to blind to see, to deaf to hear or to numb to feel.

It is at this time where I start questioning myself, is this a sign? Is this a sign? Or maybe this?

But through the passage of time, as my walk of faith with Him strenghtens, I continue to learn to put more trust into Him rather than put my trust into others or even myself.

I learned never to question or challange His ways and timing, coz as the illustration has pointed out, my mind is way to small and way to finate to comprehand something so infinate like Him.

But understandable, I'm still human. There are times in my life where I begin to question, begin to be impatient for answers to my prayers, and start taking things into my own hands.

Perhaps, the purpose of Him putting me through all this trials and tribulations is to remind me that at the end of the day everything is in his Hands. Not mine.

And I guess I will have to hold on to this verse, which I so vividly remember till this very day.

Trust the Lord with all your heart, and lean not to your own understanding.

With all my heart, I do trust in You Lord. Thank you for all the trials and testings you have brought into my life. That is to remind me that it not a matter of whether it's a sign that says this or that or it is not a sign to begin with. But rather, it is a matter of learning to put my full trust in You all over again.

Thank you Lord.