.: Scars :.

You cannot remove my scars or rewrite the past that haunts me. Just hold me tight and tell me everything is going to be ok.

Michael Faudet

.: The One : Lang Leav :.

I don’t want you to love me because I am good for you, because I say and do all the right things. Because I am everything you have been looking for.

I want to be the one you didn’t see coming. The one who gets under your skin. Who makes you unsteady. Who makes you question everything you have ever believed about love. I want to be the one who makes you feel reckless and out of control; the one you are infuriating and inexplicably drawn to.

I don’t want to be the one who tucks you into bed; I want to be the reason why you can’t sleep at night.

Lang Leav

.: Become Who You Are :.

That is why it is so important to let certain things go. To release them. To cut loose. People need to understand that no one is playing with marked cards; sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Don't expect to get anything back, don't expect recognition for your efforts, don't expect your genius to be discovered or your love to be understood. Complete the circle. Not out of pride, inability or arrogance, but simply because whatever it is no longer fits in your life. Close the door, change the record, clean the house, get rid of the dust. Stop being who you were and become who you are.

Paulo Coelho : The Zahir

.: Status :.

Currently reading : Amy Tan - The Valley of Amazement

Currently feeling : Slightly contented

Quote from previous read : When she had achieved almost everything she wanted in life, she had reached the conclusion that her existence had no meaning, because every day was the same.

.: Once In Your Life :.

Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement.

They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are.

The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face.

In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon.

You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile.

Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.

Bob Marley

Such a beautiful quote isn't it?

.: Kath's List :.

I have been thinking about it for a while, and I need to do it. Stop thinking. And start doing. Afterall, I'll never know how much more time I have left. 

And so, the list starts. I literally scribbled all the things that I wanted to do for myself, the things I wanted to say to the people I love and care about and the things I wanted to give and do for others. 

This is where it all begins. Everything starts here, today.



“What are you going to do with your life?" In one way or another it seemed that people had been asking her this forever; teachers, her parents, friends at three in the morning, but the question had never seemed this pressing and still she was no nearer an answer... "Live each day as if it's your last', that was the conventional advice, but really, who had the energy for that? What if it rained or you felt a bit glandy? It just wasn't practical. Better by far to be good and courageous and bold and to make difference. Not change the world exactly, but the bit around you. Cherish your friends, stay true to your principles, live passionately and fully and well. Experience new things. Love and be loved, if you ever get the chance.”

- David Nicholls : One Day -

.: Angels : Lang Leav :.

It happens like this.

One day you meet someone and for some inexplicable reason, you feel more connected to this stranger than anyone else--closer to them than your closest family. Perhaps this person carries within them an angel--one sent to you for some higher purpose; to teach you an important lesson or to keep you safe during a perilous time. What you must do is trust in them--even if they come hand in hand with pain or suffering--the reason for their presence will become clear in due time.

Though here is a word of warning--you may grow to love this person but remember they are not yours to keep. Their purpose isn't to save you but to show you how to save yourself. And once this is fulfilled; the halo lifts and the angel leaves their body as the person exits your life. They will be a stranger to you once more.

.: Day In The Park :.

O, Sunlight! The most precious gold to be found on earth.

- Roman Payne -

.: Selfless : Lang Leav :.

Do you ever want to run away and start over? Wipe the slate clean. Begin all over again with a blank canvas? It's okay, we all feel that way sometimes. It doesn't mean you don't love your life or the people in it. It doesn't mean that you wouldn't give your last breath to see them happy. Sometimes when we yearn to be selfish it means we have been selfless for too long.

- Lang Leav

.: Always : Lang Leav :.

You were you,

and I was I;

we were two

before our time.

I was yours

before I knew,

and you have always 

been mine too.

.: I Carry Your Heart With Me : EE Cummings :.

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

.: Failure vs Success :.

When Sara Blakely was growing up, her father would often ask her the same question at dinnertime.

"What have you failed at this week?" Blakely recalled in an interview on CNBC's "Squawk Box" n Wednesday. "My dad growing up encouraged me and my brother to fail. The gift he was giving me is that failure is (when you are) not trying versus the outcome. It's really allowed me to be much freer in trying things and spreading my wings in life."

Excerpt from an article here

Being brought up by typical asian parents, failure is more often than not, not an option. If you fail at something, work harder so that you will be good at it. If you are good at something, work harder to be the best.

It is not that I have never failed in my life, it's just that there are plenty of things out there that I have not tried, because I was too afraid to fail. I have been "walking on the safe side so I don't get hurt (from failing)" type of mentality.

A colleague asked me, if I were to have kids - would I push them? Would I push them academically or in sports so that they can be the best? I guess I would say no, I won't push them. But then again, looking back, if my parents didn't push me - would I still be where I am now? Or worse? Or better? I guess we'll never really know, would we?

So, though I would say I wouldn't be pushing them, I would at least want to encourage them to try everything - surfing, chess, music, art, soccer, advance maths (had to put this in, haha), skiing, etc. And find something that they like and something that the could succeed in.

.: Flashback : Goals :.

Laying in bed with the husband on the night of my thirtieth birthday (no, this is not a starting line of something from 50 Shades of Grey).

The Husband : You know what, you have achieved everything you hoped to achieve before you were thirty!

Me : *pause to think* You know what, you are right. I have never looked at it that way before, but all the goals I set out (here and here), including the (then back in Malaysia) impossible goal of owning a bungalow (I said that out loud one day, in one random spur of moment, that I wanted to own a bungalow) happened.

The Husband said that we have been very very blessed, and I agree completely.

It was also then that I set my next goals to hit by the time I reach thirty five. And, with God's grace and blessings, I really really hope that achieve those goals.


Quote of the day : What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.

.: He Maketh No Mistake :.

My Father’s way may twist and turn,

My heart may throb and ache,

But in my soul I’m glad to know,

He maketh no mistake,

My cherished plans may go astray,

My hopes may fade away,

But still I’ll trust my Lord to lead,

For He doth know the way,

Though the night be dark and it may seem,

That day will never break,

I’ll pin my faith, my all in Him,

He maketh no mistake,

There’s so much now I cannot see,

My eyesight’s far too dim,

But come what may, I’ll simply trust,

And leave it all to Him,

For by and by the mist will lift,

And plain it all He’ll make,

Through all the way, though dark to me,

He made not one mistake.

- A M Overton -

-------------------------------------------------------

Where do I even start? So much has happened within a short span of time, that I barely remember to sequence of events, even tho it has only been like less than a year.

It has really been challenging times, starting from the move here to Sydney and now, recovering from spinal surgery. It was mentally and emotionally exhausting, and series of events after events befalling on me has really pushed me to the brink of my limit. But thank goodness for His mercy and His grace that saw me through this whole episode. 

It's still a journey, I am not exactly back to life as normal, but it will get there eventually. In His time and in His way, far beyond what I can understand or comprehend. I have to surrender and trust Him and His will for me completely - and have faith that it will all work out. Afterall, he maketh no mistakes. 

.: It's Loneliness :.

It’s loneliness. Even though I’m surrounded by loved ones who care about me and want only the best, it’s possible they try to help only because they feel the same thing—loneliness—and why, in a gesture of solidarity, you’ll find the phrase “I am useful, even if alone” carved in stone. Though the brain says all is well, the soul is lost, confused, doesn’t know why life is being unfair to it. But we still wake up in the morning and take care of our children, our husband, our lover, our boss, our employees, our students, those dozens of people who make an ordinary day come to life. And we often have a smile on our face and a word of encouragement, because no one can explain their loneliness to others, especially when we are always in good company. But this loneliness exists and eats away at the best parts of us because we must use all our energy to appear happy, even though we will never be able to deceive ourselves. But we insist, every morning, on showing only the rose that blooms, and keep the thorny stem that hurts us and makes us bleed hidden within. Even knowing that everyone, at some point, has felt completely and utterly alone, it is humiliating to say, “I’m lonely, I need company. I need to kill this monster that everyone thinks is as imaginary as a fairy-tale dragon, but isn’t.” But it isn’t. I wait for a pure and virtuous knight, in all his glory, to come defeat it and push it into the abyss for good, but that knight never comes. Yet we cannot lose hope. We start doing things we don’t usually do, daring to go beyond what is fair and necessary. The thorns inside us will grow larger and more overwhelming, yet we cannot give up halfway. Everyone is looking to see the final outcome, as though life were a huge game of chess. We pretend it doesn’t matter whether we win or lose, the important thing is to compete. We root for our true feelings to stay opaque and hidden, but then … … instead of looking for companionship, we isolate ourselves even more in order to lick our wounds in silence. Or we go out for dinner or lunch with people who have nothing to do with our lives and spend the whole time talking about things that are of no importance. We even manage to distract ourselves for a while with drink and celebration, but the dragon lives on until the people who are close to us see that something is wrong and begin to blame themselves for not making us happy. They ask what the problem is. We say that everything is fine, but it’s not … Everything is awful. Please, leave me alone, because I have no more tears to cry or heart left to suffer. All I have is insomnia, emptiness, and apathy, and, if you just ask yourselves, you’re feeling the same thing. But they insist that this is just a rough patch or depression because they are afraid to use the real and damning word: loneliness. Meanwhile, we continue to relentlessly pursue the only thing that would make us happy: the knight in shining armor who will slay the dragon, pick the rose, and clip the thorns.

Paulo Coelho : Adultery

Currently reading Paulo Coelho's Adultery

.: Raising A Child :.

“If I had my child to raise all over again, I’d build self-esteem first, and the house later. I’d finger-paint more, and point the finger less. I would do less correcting and more connecting. I’d take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes. I’d take more hikes and fly more kites. I’d stop playing serious, and seriously play. I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars. I’d do more hugging and less tugging.“ - Diane Loomans

.: Breaking Rules :.

You’ll learn, as you get older, that rules are made to be broken. Be bold enough to live life on your terms, and never, ever apologize for it. Go against the grain, refuse to conform, take the road less traveled instead of the well-beaten path. Laugh in the face of adversity, and leap before you look. Dance as though EVERYBODY is watching. March to the beat of your own drummer. And stubbornly refuse to fit in!

- Mandy Hale -

.: Untitled :.

Currently listening to Gabrielle - Out Of Reach

Hello world! Yes, I am finally back from the long hiatus.

It's been quite a journey for me this past few months.

Left behind my family, friends, job, home and everything else that I grew up being so familiar with - packed what I could fit into a 30kg luggage and flew across the Indian Ocean (or Pacific Ocean - pardon my lack of knowledge when it comes to geography) out of my comfort zone, to this new place.

Started a new job. Stayed in a new place. Experiencing the new weather, the new culture and everything new. Trying to make new friends, whilst keeping in touch with old friends who are now based here.

It's been quite a journey, and I must admit it wasn't as easy for someone who have never left the comfort of home. 

Currently listening to Eric Clapton - Blue Eyes Blue

Having said that, I have been very blessed to have had some pathways made easy - and for that I am absolutely thankful. I have had secured a job, I had found a good place to rent, have had the support of family based here, have made good new friends, and much more.

I have absolute joy in experiencing fun things to do - the weekly farmers market, the beautiful park nearby my workplace, the lovely beach, and so much more.

Having said that, I very much miss everything and everyone back home, and sometimes I feel sad thinking about the people and things I leave behind, but thankfully it's mitigated by technology! I could skype with grandma and hear her say "chiak pah beh?" which means have I eaten.

Currently listening to Al Green - How Can You Mend A Broken Heart

Today's one of the days where I'm beginning to feel a little down. A mixture of being homesickness - missing the friends and family back home, husband being away, a bad case of gastric, the general melancholy feel (hence the selection of songs that I'm listening to). But I am not going to dwell on that - and share all the ups that I have had last week.

The weekend started well with a dinner date with a ex-highschool mate. We had (or at least I had on my part) so much fun - catching up on anything and everything under the sun.

There was (wait, select another emo song on Youtube)....

Currently playing Faith Hill - Let Me Let Go

... there was this part where we had conversations about getting his parent's PR and one thing led to another, and to cut a really long story short - I said "Perhaps your sister (who is about 18 years old now), will marry someone and gain a PR here."

"No." he said. "She too young, it will take at least another five years or more."

"Who knows?" I said. "She might find her true love soon and the get married."

He gave a bemused smirk. "What? What are you smirking at?" I asked.

Currently playing Mandy Moore - Someday We'll Know

"TRUE LOVE" he said, and started laughing. I joined him laughing, shook my head and asked him since when we have all be so cynical about true love.

There was more to the conversation after that, but I still smile when I replay this conversation in my head. As we get older, do we really become so cynical? Or is it just what it is - that TRUE love is a myth?

If I can just ask God just one question - why aren't  you hear with me?

Sorry, singing to the chorus of the song. Perks of being alone - sing my heart out (without disturbing the neighbors I hope). Gonna replay this song again, I love Mandy's vocals.

I was watching this movie "Kate and Leopold" on Saturday night, and I shared with my crazy bunch of friends on whatsapp this quote from the movie, which also coincidentally related to - LOVE.

Maybe that whole love thing is just a grown-up version of Santa Claus; just a myth we've been fed since childhood. So, we keep buying magazines, joining clubs, and doing therapy and watching movies with hit pop songs played over love montages all in a pathetic attempt to explain why our love Santa keeps getting caught in the chimney.

Then one conversation led to another, and then we had this really, really hot, steamy, X-rated conversations. It was so so so dirty that I just had to say this to them

"You guys, as we get older, we get dirtier. One day we'll end up being dirty old woman. Crap, I thought we will be sophisticated old ladies, drinking tea with pinky fingers sticking out and having scones."

To which the best respond to that was "We are sophisticated, just with sexy imagination!"

I love my crazy, horny bunch of friends. It's good to know that there are some things that never change! :) And that's why I miss them so much, coz no matter how good my new friends can be here, I can never take our conversations to the level that I take with this bunch of girls!

Currently listening to A Great Big World & Christina - Say Something

I can't believe I am going to be thirty next year. I always thought that when I reach the big 3-0, I would have know what I want to do with my life. Or at least have achieved something - whatever it may be. I still feel so inadequate at times.

And I..... will swallow my pride, you're the one that I love.... and I'm saying goodbye..

Currently listening to The Corrs - One Night

But for one night, it was so right, that I gave you my heart, my love, my heart. Just for one night, my body, my soul. Just for one night, my love, my love. For one night, one night, one night.

Currently listening to One Republic - Stop and Stare

Looks like I have nothing much else to type. And my stomach is still a little restless - I don't know why there's so much acidic activities going on. Hopefully it will be all better tomorrow.

Til we meet again, dear ol' faithful blog.

xoxo

Kathlynn

.: Make The Ordinary Come Alive :.

Do not ask your children
to strive for extraordinary lives.
Such striving may seem admirable,
but it is a way of foolishness.
Help them instead to find the wonder
and the marvel of an ordinary life.
Show them the joy of tasting
tomatoes, apples, and pears.
Show them how to cry
when pets and people die.
Show them the infinite pleasure
in the touch of a hand.
And make the ordinary come alive for them.
The extraordinary will take care of itself.


William Martin, The Parent's Tao Te Ching: Ancient Advice for Modern Parents

.: Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep :.

Do not stand at my grave and weep,

I am not there; I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond glints on snow,

I am the sunlight on ripened grain,

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning’s hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,

I am not there; I did not die.

- Mary Elizabeth Frye-