Wednesday, February 9, 2011

.: Depression & Suicide :.

Of late, suicide cases in Malaysia have been at its all time high. Or so at least I thought, based on what I have been reading in the newspapers.

It is sad to see that young people with potentially bright future choose to end their lives. What is even sadder is that I can totally relate to how they feel. Not that I’ve been heartbroken or played so bad (like in the case of Alviss & Sally) that I want to take away my own life, but I do have my shares of dark, deep moments at certain pockets of time in my life.

I have not reach to the point of actually doing anything to physically harm myself, except for sluggin in front of the TV with a (small – if it helps) tub of ice cream or a bar of chocolate, as I drown my sorrows (whatever they may be at that point in time). Feeding myself fat is some sort of harm isn’t it? But anyways, that is not the point I am trying to get. The point is that, I know how it feels like to be down and depressed and totally helpless. I know how it feels like feeling invisible. I know how it feels like putting a smile on your face everyday just to mask the pain you have deep in your heart.

It doesn’t help when people don’t take you seriously when you plead for help. Some may say that you’re an attention-seeking whore. Some may taunt you to commit suicide or just rot and die. Some, with the best of intentions, may say that it is not worth it, that you should snap out of depression and move on with life – as if it is that easy to snap your fingers and just move on.

Many out there do NOT understand. A very close friend of mine, who was somewhat depressed at one point in time of his life, said this “You should never tell a person who is depressed to snap out of it, it is not as if that person can control how he/she feels”. I conquer. It is easier said than done. Only when you are in his/her shoes or when you are in the same boat, can you truly understand what it feels like – no matter how small or petty the problems may seem; like a jilted lover or a lost of a close friend.

It is silly if one chooses to end his/her life because of said reason. But it is NOT silly if one feels sad/depressed over it. One is a choice, the other is not really something you can control completely.

As for me, it has always been the grace and strength of God that sees me thru all these moments of slump. It is Him and only Him that can console and comfort me, and the fact that I KNOW that because of Him, eventually things will work out for my best. Afterall, he is the author and perfector of our faith.

I choose to look at it this way – there can be only rainbows after the storm. I need to go thru all my storms, and when my rainbows come, boy oh boy, do I feel like I am on top of the world! :)

Just my two cents worth.

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