.: Fail To Fail :.

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

- Thomas A. Edison -

Still being in my emo stage, JC & I manage to stole some personal time amidst our busy weekend schedule to have a heart to heart talk (as oppose to discussing bout wedding & house related stuff).

Was sharing with him how I am sometimes just paranoid of making mistakes in fear of being judged harshly & critically by some family members, when JC shared with me this quote.

Made me wonder, if I have not failed, does it not just mean that I am the biggest failure because I failed to try?

Hmmm.....

.: Family :.

It’s been a grueling week, as I try to balance between the demands of work, wedding preparations & Project Castle.

I don’t see why some people don’t understand and still choose to criticize and talk bad about every step of the things I have done or will do. I know end of it all it is indeed OUR CHOICE and I do not need affirmation from anyone to concur with the decisions I make.

But aren’t families are supposed to be understanding, or even if they are unable to comprehend, at least supportive?

But there are those few who are not, those few who choose to look at me critically and waiting at every moment for me to make the wrong move so that they could have the pleasure and joy of pinpointing my mistakes out not only to me but to the whole wide world (more often than not in a very exaggerated manner).

It is not exactly the kind of family environment I would like to be in, and if I am totally and brutally honest to myself, perhaps this is the reason why I am distancing myself from these few people. The negativity is not edifying and the hurt or pain they create (whether consciously or sub consciously so) can’t just be simply erased just like that.

It is true to the word that the ones closest to you could potentially be the one to hurt you most. And perhaps this is why their actions hurt me so much – because at one point I thought they truly care about me and I so did I of them.

Of course there are those who have been there for me thru it all, and for that, I am truly appreciative and thankful for all the support that they have given me throughout.

End of it all, I came to a simple conclusion. It could have been worse. I know families that are way far more ‘dysfunctional’, and perhaps this environment that I am are of ‘normal’ standards.

But sometimes, I just wish that this relationship can go back to they way it was. Where we were all closer and things was less complicated.

Ohana means family.

Family means nobody gets left behind.

Or forgotten.

.: If Ever :.

“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together..
there is something you must always remember,
you are braver than you believe,
stronger than you seem,
and smarter than you think.
But the most important thing is, even if we're apart..
I'll always be with you.”

- A A Milne : Winnie The Pooh -

.: Execution Of Project Castle :.

I have just obtained the approval from my
local municipal today! PTL! :)

Execution of Project Castle starts today! :)

.: French Loaf :.

Picture from here

.: I Know :.

I know he knows, but I wonder if he knows I know he knows?

.: My Sister's Keeper : Movie :.

Currently watching : My Sister's Keeper

Based on a novel by Jodi Picoult (read & loved the book)

Casts : Cameron Diaz, Abigail Breslin, Alec Baldwin, Jason Patric,

Sofia Vassilieva, Joan Cusack, Thomas Dekker

Director : Nick Cassavetes (also directed The Notebook)

.: On The Road Again :.

.: Dear John : Movie :.

Oh boy, Dear John is gonna keep me up all night....

*wink* :)

Updates :

Fall way short of the high expectations I had of this movie after reading the novel by Nicholas Sparks (click here to read more about the novel).

Somehow, perhaps because of trying to squeeze the whole storyline into a less-than-two-hours movie, the characters are very much underdeveloped & so were the storylines.

Savannah was suppose to be an model of a perfect innocent girl (like Mandy Moore's role as Jamie in A Walk To Remember). Somewhat, that wasn't brought up in the movie. The dynamic relationship between John & his dad was also watered down, quite sadly to say, as it was also another selling point of what made the novel so great.

Anyhows, if I had to make a pick - I rather read the book again that to watch the movie.

.: I Wish :.

I wish I was back to five and the only important decision I had to made was whether to have Honey Stars or Koko Crunch with my milk for breakfast.

Fast forward just twenty years and the decisions that I am about to make or take, there are times where I really can't comprehend.

I fear that I will fall into the endless delusional cycle that goes round & round with no end.

I fear that I will once again experience the random opening of floodgates in the middle of the day.

I fear that I will no longer know how to laugh from the heart.

I fear that emptiness and loneliness creeps in even tho I am full and not alone.

I fear, most of all, that I lose myself again....

.: Stress Level :.

The stress level is at all time high.

Sometimes I wish she will stop being a bitch and be more supportive & constructive instead of critical & destructive on me.

I am already my worse critic, she doesn't have to compete to be the worst!

.: Project Castle : Progress To Date :.

Project Castle : Progress to date

It has been a couple of long weekends, toiling & decision-crunching over our lil house renovation.

It’s not easy, I come to realize, but then again, I never expected it to be to begin with.

We have more or less fixed what we wanted. And budgeted for most of it, tho we are going to almost definitely blow our budget. But its good to have a budget prepared before starting anything so that you don’t go over the top & go on a spree.

There will be a couple of elements in my house design that we have charted out, so I will just let the pictures do the talking! :)

Kitchen island with galaxy black (or pearl blue) granite top & white/off white cabinets

Laminated wood flooring in our masterbedroom

Bay window nook in the living room & master bedroom

Glass shower screen for my two bathrooms

Sleek L-shaped fabric sofa with small coffee table in the living room

Small walk-in wardrobe in the master bedroom

Organized shelves & such in the laundry room

.: Box Planter :.

I would love to have these planter box on my front windows!

.: Firstfruits :.

Honor the Lord with your wealth,

the firstfruits of all your crops;

- Prov 3:9 -

.: The Most Brightest Light :.

"Mummy, mummy, I show you the most brightest light!" exclaimed an excited four year old-ish boy, as he tugged my shirt while I was browsing thru some lights in a lighting shop in SS2.

I patted his head and told him gently "Boy, I am not your mummy..."

He looked up at me sheepishly and let go of my shirt and ran away.

But for a moment there, I was a "mummy".

Hehe! :)

.: Before And After Photos :.

My cousin, Kevin Tan

Before

After

.: Panning :.

I would hope to successfully try this photography technique. Perhaps one of these weekends! :)

.: Two Certainties In Life : Death And..... :.

Over 870,000 taxpayers overpaid RM10bil last year

Of which I am one of them!

When will they refund me back my money?

.: Smack From The Back :.

Someone knocked into my car today. It was kinda expected as I saw this car behind me still moving fast even though the traffic light was already red and I have already pressed my brakes much earlier. I heard screeching of brakes & then there was a loud bang. CD covers flew (thankfully none that flew right over my neck and decapitate me similar to that in the Final Destination series) and that was about it.

I calmly stepped out of the car, have a look at the bumper and it seemed ok. Since I was at a traffic junction and the last thing I want is to have people cursing me for causing more congestion on an already congested road, I drove further up to stop at a bus stand. The man who banged my car signaled and also stopped behind me. I went to have a closer inspection, and aside from the small lil almost-unoticable scratch, everything was really okay.

The man apologized, but not before he explained himself that I stopped in front of him. I calmly highlight that the traffic light was red, so that’s why I stopped, but assured him that the car is okay.

PTL for journey mercies all these years. Something that perhaps I have taken for granted in my 6 years of driving.

.: Project Castle : Planning Stage With PPE :.

 

The draft design of my house, after hours & hours of discussion to make sure we like it; measuring to make sure we like it & that it can fit, and budgeting; to make sure we like it, that it can fit & that we can afford it.

From experience, I must admit is it a difficult task. Yes, your imagination can run absolutely wild especially when there are various means of inspiration. From online blogs, to dozen of magazines (got it cheap from HomeDec fair), to walking in showrooms like that in Ikea.

But alas, we are all brought back down to planet earth when we start using the measuring tapes and we start balancing the account book. Space & money is definitely the main constrain for the both of us.

Unlike many others, an ID (Interior Decorator) is definitely out of the question.

So, like many other times, I have to read up as much as I could, do as much research as I could to turn myself into a amateur ID in days. The learning curve is steep, and tho its really time consuming, I do enjoy reading up on termites and its various extermination method or about lightings and the type of lights to use (read here for a more detailed explanation) or about different types of toilet bowls.

It can be really really stressful and you have to ensure that all aspects are covered. For example before I can start buying the furniture, I ought to start the renovation first. But before I could start the reno, I need to mark out the electrical points for my contractor. But before I can mark it out, I roughly need to know the positions & layout of the furniture and alas, before I can do that, I need to start scouting for furniture. A classic chicken or egg scenario.

Of course if you are someone who does not have a budget constrain, you can always custom make your own furniture to your own liking and sizing, which then, you would not face the above mentioned problem. Too bad I don’t fall into that category.

Anyhows, this is the first cut of my official design done amateurishly with Paint - coz I don’t have the high-techno-smackno software to create a 3D version of my house (even if I did, I reckon that someone who is untech-savvy as I am would not know how to use it anyways!).

Comments and feedbacks are much appreciated! :)

.: Bridge :.

Suspension bridge in Sg Tua Ulu Yam

.: You Light Up My Life :.

Tungsten (incandescent)
The everyday household bulb.

Light: warm, yellowish.
Available in: clear, pearl, silver reflector or coloured versions with bayonet cap (BC), small bayonet cap (SBC), Edison screw (ES or E27) and small Edison screw (SES or E14). The clear type is best when the bulb is visible, in a chandelier for example, whereas the silver reflector is perfect for spotlights.
Ideal for: creating warmth, cosiness, intimacy.
Advantages: cheap and easy to find. They use mains electricity and don't need transformers or additional equipment.
Disadvantages: if you use a wattage that's too high your paper shade might get scorched, which could be dangerous. Constantly switching them on and off will shorten the lifespan. They tend to blow suddenly.


Tungsten halogen
Known simply as halogen bulbs, they burn at a much higher heat than tungsten and the case has to be made from quartz rather than glass to withstand the temperature.

Light: whiter and purer than tungsten.
Available: in low voltage (low-voltage tungsten halogen or LVTH) and mains voltage. For the former, you'll need a transformer, fitted or inbuilt, to keep the wattage down to 12 volts.
Ideal for: uplighters.
Advantages: energy-efficient. With low-voltage bulbs, the design can be slim and compact. The mains-voltage type can be used in conventional fittings without a transformer, but ask your electrician or manufacturer to be sure.
Disadvantage: expensive to replace.


Fluorescent
They're associated with the harsh, buzzing strips of factories and offices, but they're now available in lots of new varieties.

Light: flat (curved and circular tubes are better).
Available in: compact fluorescent tubes and compact fluorescent bulbs (known as compact fluorescent lamps or CFLs) that look like ordinary ones.
Ideal for: mini strip lights in kitchens.
Advantages: energy efficient and economic. Can be used with mains-voltage fittings.
Disadvantages: can't be fitted with dimmers.


Downlighters
They cast distinct pools of light onto the surface below. They're usually recessed into the ceiling or mounted on the surface and can be fixed or directional. They suit modern and period homes, but you might not have enough recess in the ceiling or prefer not to cut into it and disrupt plasterwork or period detail.

Install downlighters in areas where fixtures are unlikely to move, such as above kitchen and bathroom surfaces, rather than at the ends of furniture. Without wall lights the effect can be gloomy, and rows of them can make you feel as though you're in a shop.

The eyeball type of downlighter that can be swivelled is perfect for accent lighting to highlight a particular feature.

Energy saving
Lighting empty rooms and using bulbs of the wrong wattage for the fittings are two of the most common ways to waste energy.

Try these simple ways to cut down your electricity bills and help save the planet.

Turn lights off when you leave the room.
Replace ordinary bulbs with low-energy ones, especially those you leave burning for four hours or more. You might have to pay more up front - £5 as opposed to £1 - but you'll save in the long run. They're available in many shapes and sizes, although some can't be used with dimmers.
Look for CFLs - they use 25 per cent less energy than ordinary bulbs and last up to 13 times longer.
Fit timers and dimmer switches. Motion sensors that turn on and off when you enter and leave are already being installed in some houses although they're expensive at the moment.


Eyeball fitting
The bulb is encased in a housing and can be ceiling mounted or recessed.

Fittings
Consider how the fittings will distribute the light. This will depend in part on where you put them and whether you conceal or make a feature of them. Visit the lighting shop armed with your lighting plan.

Think about the look you want. Do you prefer minimalist, for example, or period. Chances are, it's a mixture. Track spotlights can sit comfortably alongside Victorian shades, although they have to be mixed carefully. It is a shame to cut into elaborate plasterwork ceilings to fit recessed downlights, and a chrome-and-steel light fitting might look inappropriate hanging from a Victorian ceiling rose.

Look at the light when it's off as well as on - it can appear quite different. More light will get through transparent shades than opaque ones, which give more localised pools of light.

Glare
There are two types of glare - direct and indirect.

Direct glare occurs when you look at a bare bulb - you'll get spots before your eyes and maybe see a lasting image, especially if you're in a darkened room.

Indirect glare is caused by a reflection of light, perhaps in a television or computer screen or even a polished surface. Avoid it by positioning lights so you can't see the bulbs directly. Pendants hanging at eye level are especially uncomfortable for dinner guests.

Pendant lights
These usually hang from the centre of the room. Used alone, they're the main cause of the 'interrogation cell' look. Although they're a good starter for general lighting, they need a boost from other sources.

They tend to flatten shadows and cast a dim light. It helps to fit a dimmer or hang them on an adjustable flex so you can change the height or clip them out of the way. They come in a myriad of styles, from the ubiquitous paper lantern to chandeliers.

Professional fitters
Lighting is often seen as a technical minefield, but many lights are easy to put in and require no more than an understanding of basic electrical concepts. You should be able to change a fuse, wire a 13 amp plug and know how to select the correct size of fuse so that you don't overload a circuit.

Always read the instructions for any fitting and keep them for future reference. If in doubt, consult a qualified electrician. Once you get into changing the permanent wiring of your house, complicated track lighting and computer-activated lighting systems, it's time to call in the pros.

Standard lamp
A tall, freestanding light with a heavy base, which moves up, downand sideways.

Track
Several spotlights or floodlights can be attached to a track to take rows of LVTH or mains-voltage lights with no need for a transfomer. You can use more than one circuit, so you can have all the lights on at once or just some.

Uplighter
They throw light onto the ceiling, which then bounces off, creating a soft look. They work best in rooms with light-coloured ceilings, particularly in studies as the fact that the light is directed upwards prevents glare.

Use them behind sofas or large pieces of living room furniture. The light they create matters more than the lamp, so they're usually tall and slender with minimal decoration. Put them in corners or in pairs and fix them at eye level or higher. A clip-on spotlight angled upwards creates the same effect.

Wall lights
Any fitting mounted on the wall, from shades to frosted fittings. They diffuse light gently into the room and are perfect for adding general lighting. Ceramic bowls diffuse light towards the ceiling; translucent ones give a softer light. They're perfect for hallways and living rooms.

Wall washers
They give off an even stream of light. Often mounted on or recessed into the ceiling. Sometimes only the silver reflector shows, which gives out a brilliant light.

Taken from : BBC Home

.: Pineapple Under My Siege :.

I went into a Chinese medicine shop to purchase a can of pineapples to make some Konyyaku Jelly (which failed big time *shake heads* I know, how DIFFICULT can it be to make Konyyaku Jelly right? Tsk at myself!)

Anyways, there were two big baskets of durians at the front of the shop and I was floating on cloud nine at the whiff of the durian’s aroma. I was distracted so much so that I walked out of the shop with the can of pineapples in my hand, totally forgetting to pay at the counter. Thankfully, JC noticed, took the can from my hand and went to the counter to pay before they arrest me for shoplifting.

It’s a sure sign that I urgently need to arrange with Su for our annual durian dose at the eat-all-you-can-durian-buffet shop!

And now, to rush home as I believe there are some durians waiting for me at home! *wink* :)

.: Perfect Vision :.

After a full day of photoshooting yesterday, I woke up feeling absolutely fatigue. Send an sms to my boss to tell her I am too tired to come to work & need to take today off. Thank goodness for understanding bosses like her.


The photoshoot went amazingly well, and I could not have asked for more bluer skies & fluffier white clouds. My prayer for good weather had been answered. Thank God!

Our photographer was an overly-enthusiastic artsy guy which punctuates with "Very good!", "Perfect!" or other synonyms in different languages everytime he clicks the shutter of his camera.

Now that its all over and done with, I am just fretting that I not only have a temperament of Bridezilla, but looks like Godzilla himself. Sigh! Let’s just see in two weeks time the outcome of the photos.

Anyways, since I took today off, I decided to pay a long overdue visit to my optician. My vision has been blurring the past few months and tho I know that at this age, my eye powers are suppose to be stabilized, I fear the worse – that it is not. And my fear was confirmed. So I am gonna be changing my contact lens & glasses (and spend more money at that!).

Should munch on more carrots from now on.

Bunny, bunny, hop, hop!~ :)

.: On Photoshop :.

Until I learn how to photoshop, this is ALL that I am gonna post up! :)

.: Meet Me Halfway :.

Today marks exactly 6 months of being his fiancee & exactly 6 months more to be his wife.