.: Emptiness :.

Kath : I think I'm suffering from quarter-life crisis.

SJ : Got such thing wan meh?

Kath : Got la.

SJ : What kinda problem you have? Got work. Got money. Got people. What else do you need?

Kath : I don't know. I still somehow feel empty.

SJ : Empty? What else do you lack?

Kath : Seems as if I already have everything, doesn't it?

SJ : You have enough for now. Not everything.

Kath : Then how come do I still feel so empty inside?

SJ : Either you want more, or what you have now is just at the surface, as in a shell of the real things you want.

Kath : I guess what I have now is only the surface. I have the things that people see as enough, but it's not what I want.

SJ : Yes, it would seem so.

Kath : Why am I like that? I feel like I'm so ungrateful for what I already have.

SJ : Ungrateful is not true. You are unsatisfied. You will only be satisfied when you get what you want, not what others want.

Kath : If only I know how to be happy with what I have. I feel so guilty when people tell me I have everything. But I really feel as if I got nothing. I feel so under achieving.

SJ : You are doing things to please others, not yourself. Til this point I see you still doing for the sake of others, you are not doing it for yourself.

Kath : I don't know how to get a grip of my life. And I'm turning 22 soon. Sad isn't it?

If only I can learn to be happy with what I got.

Sometimes, I feel that it is all a facade to mask all the insecurities inside me.

.: Quarter Life Crisis :.

I think I'm suffering from a quarter-life crisis now.

My birthday is this coming Tuesday (big hint to those who hasn't got me anything yet - please,please don't delay any longer coz it's really really soon *wink* wink *).

I would be turning 22 years old.

And it was this fact that hit me right to my face - I'm not young anymore!

Ok, so I admit that I'm over reacting a lil and being a lil drama queen and all, but all this really means something to me.

First and foremost, I look back at my life. It's true that life is so full of memories. The sweet memories, the bitter ones, of good times and of bad. The things people say, that have changed my life completely, and the things that people do for me, that I will forever cherish. The relationships I had (or still an having) with people, friends that have walked in and out of my life, teachers that have made that extra difference, souls that have touched me in so many profound ways, short moments of bliss spent with people I love only to bid goodbye forever.

But I ask myself one thing, being the receiver of all these blessings, how do I, in return, make a difference in other people's life? Be it at my workplace, or with my longtime friends, my family or even a total stranger.

Will someone one day look back and remember me as how I've remembered those who has made a difference in my life?

I do hope so...

.: First Day Of The Week :.

My whole body ached this morning, and my nose clogged, my eyes teary, my whole body warm.... I'm SICK... On Monday at that... *sigh* I hate my weak, low immune self.

What a way to start the week :(

.: Sunday Morning.. Rain Isn't Falling Though :.

It's Sunday morning. I woke up very early today. Not like I had much sleep last night either.

Alot has been running through my head lately, and I had been feverishly praying to God to help me to face this rough patch. I know that in the midst of all this chaos and twists in my life, God allowed it to happen. And His grace would not allow me to go through more than I can handle.

Anyways, looking forward to meeting the kids at Sunday School today. It's their FINAL practice before next weeks Sunday School Presentation.

The kids in Sunday School are going to have a small lil presentation next week, so if any of you guys are interested, do come to my church. They have been practising real hard, and given the time constrain and all, they are really good!

They will be doing two songs;

"Jesus What A Wonderful Child" (the hip and happenin' version)

and

"Never Forget There is Hope" (a really slow an nice song about Hope)

Here are some pics I took of the last week, during a full fledge costume practice

Sunday School teachers helping some of the kids dress up

Caleb said that his "jewelry" is making him itchy

I'm so so so proud of them! :)

.: Micheal Buble : Lost :.

.: Michael Buble : Lost :.

I can't believe it's over
I watched the whole thing fall
And I never saw the writting was on the wall
If I only knew
Days were slipping past
That the good things never last
That you were crying

Summer turned to winter
And the snow it turned to rain
And the rain turned into tears upon your face
I hardly recognized the girl you are today
And god I hope it's not too late
It's not too late
'Cause you are not alone
I'm always there with you
And we'll get lost together
Till the light comes pouring through
'Cause when you feel like you're done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost
When your worlds crashing down
And you can't bear to fall
I said, babe, you're not lost

Life can show no mercy
It can tear your soul apart
It can make you feel like you've gone crazy
But you're not
Things have seem to changed
There's one thing that's still the same
In my heart you have remained
And we can fly fly fly away

'Cause you are not alone
And I am there with you
And we'll get lost together
Till the light comes pouring through
'Cause when you feel like you're done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost
When the worlds crashing down
And you can not bear to crawl
I said, baby, you're not lost
I said, baby, you're not lost
I said, baby, you're not lost
I said, baby, you're not lost

.: Joshua Harris : I Kissed Dating Goodbye :.

I Kissed Dating Goodbye

Joshua Harris

1997 , 2003 (updated)

Joshua Harris was 21 when he wrote this book about how he has given up on the whole "dating game" a decided instead to focus on serving God. It's not a book that says "dating" is sinful and all, but as how Joshua put is, dating is like fast-food restaurants - it's not wrong to eat there, but something far better is available.

I like the part where he said this in his book;

"Being in a relationship is an opportunity to love another person like God has loved us.."

I believe that as human, we often misuse the word love that it has lost it's true meaning.

The word love is not just a mushy-mishy lovey-dovey heart-racing feeling one gets when attracted to the opposite sex.

Neither does the love I'm referring to is in the same context as "I love shopping" or "I love Wentworth Miller".

The word love means being patient, being kind, being humble... It is not being envy, rude, selfish, easily angered....

I read this book during my college days, and also Joshua's other book When Boy Meets Girl, relating to how his relationship with Shannon develops and eventually, they got married. So when I reread it again today, it something that I can relate to much more now that I did back then.

Indeed, in a secular world, where the "terms" or "rules" of dating are govern by man, rather than God, we seem to be drifting away, some of us crumbling into the pressure of being "normal" as defined by man. We tend to disobey God and his rules and at the end of it all cause others and ourselves much physical or emotional hurt.

At the end of the day, to find the right partner, we first must work towards becoming the right partner and the trust God to cover the "who" and "when".

Afterall, isn't He the author of our lives and He knows what is best for us.

A book that I would like my cousin sisters to read before they start dating seriously. So Yin and Tammie, go to the nearest bookshop and get a copy of this book!

.: Chicken Soup for the Christian Soul 2 :.

Like a favorite passage from Scripture, these new stories offer hope, support and inspiration to Christians of all denominations.

Chicken Soup for the Christian Soul 2 will deepen readers faith and expand their awareness of how to practice Christian values in their daily livesat home, at work and in the community.
Themes of forgiveness, faith, hope, charity and love will lift their spirits and warm their hearts.

Each story is a reminder of the daily miracles readers can discover when they welcome Christ into their lives. Powerful stories will deepen readers compassion for others, inspire them to greater acts of charity, lead them to forgive others and themselves, encourage them to stand up for what they believe in, and, most of all, remind them that they are never alone or without hope,no matter how challenging and painful their circumstances may seem, for He is always walking by your side.

Excerpt from www.amazon.com

To be updated when I finish reading this book (written on 6th August 2007)

Updates :

So I finally finished reading this book today!

Again, as always, this book just knows how to hit the right string in my heart.

Be it alone in my bedroom or in a crowded bookshop surrounded by a million people ( ok, so a million people would be exaggerating) I still somehow can't help but *sniff*sniff* a lil.

So if you guys bump into me sitting down at a corner of Borders bookshop in Ikano, reading a book, sniffing all the way, then its most likely that I'm reading some heart warming, soul touching book. Either that or I'm down with a flu :)

.: Friday Blues :.

Suffering from Friday Blues...

It's 8.40pm and I'm still in office, dreading that my boss is leaving to Florida tomorrow.
Not, it's not like there's something going on between me and my boss, that would be scandalous (and scandal is so not me! *wink*)...

It's just that there's heaps of things which I have to follow up when he is not around. And I don't like following up. He deals with all the high post executives (CEO, CFO, CIO, whatever C's you can think of) and frankly, I'm quite intimidated in dealing with these people.

They are far more experienced, far more knowledgable, far more confident... me talking or interacting with them is like... gosh, it can really be so stressful sometimes!

But that aside, most of the people I deal with are generally nice.

Anyways, I shouldn't be staying in the office too late, I've got a farewell party to attend, plus it's really suffocating and stuffy in here.

Looking forward to meeting Eddie and the rest of the gang :)

Happy Weekends !

.: One Of Those Days :.

Today is one of those days where nothing seems to be going fine....

Lord, help me get through the day....

.: With All My Heart :.

Was talking to a friend on this issue last night, and he addressed my problems with this beautiful illustration.

One Father of the Church, St. Augustine, studied the mystery of the Holy Trinity and although he was at his wits' end, he still could not comprehend it. One day he was walking on the sandy beach by the ocean. There churned in his mind the mystery of the Holy Trinity. He was talking to himself: "One God, but three Persons. Three Persons--not three Gods but one God. What does it mean? How can it be explained? How can my mind take it in?" And so he was torturing his mind and beating his brains out, when he saw a little boy on the beach. He approached him to see what he was doing.

The child had dug a small hole in the sand. With his little hands he was carrying water from the ocean and was dumping it in the little hole.

St. Augustine asked, "What are you doing, my child?"

The child replied, "I want to put all of the water of the ocean into this hole."

Once more St. Augustine asked, "But is it possible for all of the water of this great ocean to be contained in this little hole?"

And the child asked him in return, "If the water of the ocean cannot be contained in this little hole, then how can the mystery which you are meditating on be contained in your mind?"

Well, it wasn't exactly the issue of Holy Trinity that was dabbling in my mind late (yes, late) last night.

But it was more of how do I interprete the obstacles / challanges in my life?

Is it God trying to say " Go on. Carry on. Don't give up. It's just a trial for me to shape and mould you to be a better, stronger person."?

Or is it God trying to say " Stop. Make a U-turn. You are going the wrong way."?

I do know that God speaks to us in many, many ways. And it's not always in a loud audible voice or sending His angels or in dreams or given verses from God.

Sometimes, the message he sends is more subtle - through advises of friends, soft voice inside your head, or your heart telling you it's right (or wrong).

The problem with me is that I tend to have a very small satellite dish (for the lack of an appropriate analogy) and it's not easy for me to pick up those subtle subtle messages.

It could be that He has send me so many, and yet I'm to blind to see, to deaf to hear or to numb to feel.

It is at this time where I start questioning myself, is this a sign? Is this a sign? Or maybe this?

But through the passage of time, as my walk of faith with Him strenghtens, I continue to learn to put more trust into Him rather than put my trust into others or even myself.

I learned never to question or challange His ways and timing, coz as the illustration has pointed out, my mind is way to small and way to finate to comprehand something so infinate like Him.

But understandable, I'm still human. There are times in my life where I begin to question, begin to be impatient for answers to my prayers, and start taking things into my own hands.

Perhaps, the purpose of Him putting me through all this trials and tribulations is to remind me that at the end of the day everything is in his Hands. Not mine.

And I guess I will have to hold on to this verse, which I so vividly remember till this very day.

Trust the Lord with all your heart, and lean not to your own understanding.

With all my heart, I do trust in You Lord. Thank you for all the trials and testings you have brought into my life. That is to remind me that it not a matter of whether it's a sign that says this or that or it is not a sign to begin with. But rather, it is a matter of learning to put my full trust in You all over again.

Thank you Lord.

.: Operator, The Line Is Fake :.

Celine :
Hi. Can I speak to Mr Kevin Chua Hong Chun please?

Kevin :
Yes, speaking. May I know who is on the line?

Celine :
Hi Kevin. This is Celine calling from AAD. I'm actually calling you regarding you resit examination results. I'm sorry to inform you that out of your two papers you sat for , you've failed the Pharmacy Practice paper.

Kevin (sad tone) :
Oh....

Celine :
The reason why we are disclosing this to you in advance is because you are the only one in your batch to fail.

Kevin :
I'm the only one?

Celine :
Yes. So now, you currently now have two choices, either you repeat your semester 4 with the P107 students, or you quit the course, which I hope that you will not. But in the option that you do, you can claim back 20% of your Semester 5 fees after you have filled up a form. We will process your cheque and you can collect it from us.

Kevin :
So, these is my only two choice?

Celine :
That right, you either resit for one semester, or you can quit this course.

Kevin :
What was my mark for the paper that I've failed?

Celine :
It's 42 marks.

Kevin :
Oh...okay...

Celine :
Well I let you think about it and if you choose to continue, you can drop by Peter Pook's office later.

Kevin :
Ok. Thanks.

Celine :
Thank you.

I was Celine for the day, helping my brother and a few of his friends pull a prank on his coursemate. Wonder if I had been to nasty? Sounds worse that Hitz.fm's Gotcha doesn't it?

.: T.S.L :.

T.S.L = temporary single life

After getting the news from JC that he is going to Miri for two whole weeks, I felt kinda heavy inside. Exactly one year ago, on this very same job, I flew to Miri - for two weeks. When I returned home, JC told me that I should never leave him that long. Now, one year later, he's going off, leaving me here.

Since we started dated a year and the half ago, we barely spend a day without seeing one another. Prior to me going to Miri, the longest we have been away from each other was three days. I remember him telling me that he missed me so much and how he hugged me and kissed my forehead when I came home from the airport. I remember he bought a cake - to celebrate my birthday.

Now that things have changed, now that we have known each other much longer, seen the best and worst of each other, will all this feelings change?

Will he still miss me the way he did?

Or will he not?

But another question that I should post to myself is - will I miss him the way I did?

Or will I not?

I've realised that as time passes by, the sparks has fizzled. Instead of lovey-dovey-mushy-mishy feelings that I had, now settles and mellows down into i-m-comfortable-with-you mode. Like I can be in a total mess and I don't mind him seeing.

Well, I guess I shouldn't be upset over such petty petty things and enjoy my T.S.L for the time being :)

It's party time! :)

.: Holidays + Weekends :.

I feel like I'm in a dazed now. Like a zombie. From the time exam was over on Tue till now. Wow! One week come to think of it. Darn, that only means results will be out in four weeks. This time round, I did much worse than the other time. So I'm very sure the chances of me passing is super slim. Anyhows, I will have to live the moment and forget about exams and results till the day comes. No point crying over spilt milk right?

To be honest, I should have taken a big rest on Thur during Deepavali holidays, but I did not. Instead, I occupied my time cooking (real food - not microwaved ones). Together with JC, we made chocolate mousse - which turned out okay (not fantastic) but a lil too sweet for my liking. JC thinks it is not sweet enough. Hmmm....

And for dinner, we made our own beef hamburger patty - Aunty Doreen's (JC's godmum) "improvised" recipe. The reason why it was improvised was beacuse we couldn't find any onions, so we used shallots instead, and I found out that we were suppose to use beef stock cube, instead of chicken stock cube to enhance the taste of the burger patty. So that's why it doesn't taste as good as Aunty Doreen's!

Anyhows, having said that, it still taste good, and we had a really good and hearty meal at home of prawn salad, mushroom soup and beef burger :)

Then come Saturday, which I know I should be taking some rest. Instead, I was up at 8am. Had bak kut teh with dad and JC for breakfast cum lunch in SS2 (my dad suggested Klang, but I'm not that adventurious when it comes to food, unlike my dad and JC. JC and I had an early home cooked dinner and then we decided to walk around Ikano/Ikea/The Curve.

It was crowded there (as always). Wanted to do some shopping (I'm a very very light shopper by the way), but JC doesn't look very interested.

Anyhows, had a great evening just walking up and down, enjoying Ikea's curry puffs (I absolutely love Ikea's RM1 curry puff...mmmmm...) and good music (they had a live band along Ikano's bazaar walkway).

Sunday morning - church. Been helping doing sewing of costumes for the Sunday School's kiddo presentation this coming December. Me sewing? Yes, I do sew ok, contrary to what you guys may think. Though it would help if I was much much much neater *wink* Just hope that the kids costumes don't tear up into bits and pieces while they are presenting.

Went over to Secret Recipe to buy JC's dad a birthday cake. Picked the Chocolate Banana cake (coz that is MY favourite *hehe*). Had a big hearty meaty meal at Euro Deli in D'sara Kim, nearby my place. Ordered spaghetti carbonara while the rest ordered pork knuckle, pork belly and a beer chicken (or something like that). Since the portion was too much for one person, everyone ended up sharing some of their meals with me :)

Ceke cutting session after dinner, though JC's dad was too shy to have candles and would not allow us to sing "Happy Birthday!". I did manage to sqeeze in a lil space for dessert (I have NEVER said no to desserts for those who knows me well enough *wink*wink*)

So, with such fun filled activities during the hols/weekends, one can not help but drag oneself out of bed on Mon morning, and Tue morning, and most likely Wed morning too *wink*wink* :)

.: Love Is Blind :.

Love is not blind

It sees more and not less,

but because it sees more it is willing to see less.

- Will Moss -

18 months of learning to see less

But with that, learn to love more

Thanks dear, for everything...

.: Chocolate Mousse :.

Ingredients (serves 6)
300g good-quality dark chocolate, roughly chopped
3 eggs
1/4 cup (55g) caster sugar
1 tbs good-quality cocoa powder, sifted
300ml thickened cream, plus extra whipped cream to serve
Grated chocolate, to serve

Method
Place the chocolate in a heatproof bowl over a pan of gently simmering water (don't let the bowl touch the water). Stir until melted. Remove bowl from heat and set aside to cool slightly.
Place eggs and sugar in a large bowl and beat with electric beaters for 5 minutes, or until mixture is pale, thick and doubled in volume. Fold in cooled chocolate and cocoa powder until combined.

In a separate bowl, whip cream until thickened (be careful not to over-beat). Use a large metal spoon to carefully fold the cream into the chocolate mixture, trying to keep the mixture as light as possible. Spoon into 6 serving glasses and chill in fridge for at least 1 hour. Remove from fridge 15 minutes before serving, then top with extra whipped cream and grated chocolate to serve.

Notes & tips
Add your favourite spirit. To keep it French, go for Cognac (or another quality brandy) or Grand Marnier, adding 1 tablespoon to the melting chocolate.
For a flavour twist, add a tablespoon of vanilla extract to the chocolate as it melts.
Chocolate and coffee make a great pairing, so try adding two tablespoons of prepared strong black coffee to the chocolate when melting.
For a cool treat, serve the mousse as a semifreddo - freeze for about 3 hours (but don't freeze solid).

Source
delicious. - September 2004 , Page 44
Recipe by Chrissy Freer

.: Teardrops :.

Do not regret to those who make you smile;
Regret only to those who makes you cry...

A boy with a rose in his hand, said this to the only girl he has ever love.

"The only time I would want to make you cry is when you're touched with what I've did. I want to be there for you whenever the next teardrop falls, coz I want to be the one holding you in my arms, wiping away your tears,pacifying you and tell you that everything will be alright.I want to hold your hands and pray with you and for you.I want you to know that you that I'm always there for you when you need me."

He cried. Bend down and laid the rose in front of her tombstone, regreting never having the chance to confess his feelings to the girl he loved.

And now, he can only tell it to the wind....

.: Tears and Rain :.

Why do I subject myself to such torture?

Why do I force myself to go through such pain?

All the sweat, blood and tears....

Going after something which I never wanted in the first place to begin with?

Is it really worth it at the end of the day?

Or have I wasted my time, youth and life to something that, looking back, might not be something I find not worthwhile?

Just when I thought that things will get better - it got worse...

Just when I thought that the future seems bright - it now seems so bleak...

Look at it on the bright side, it's going to be over soon anyways...

C'est la Vie. Carpe diem.

Now that it is all over, let me move on and live a life I have been dreaming of..

.: Tears & Rain - James Blunt :.

.: Tears & Rain - James Blunt :.

How I wish I could surrender my soul;
Shed the clothes that become my skin;
See the liar that burns within my needing.
How I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold.
How I wish I had screamed out loud,
Instead I've found no meaning.

I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.

How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind;
Hold memory close at hand,
Help me understand the years.
How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell.
How I wish I would save my soul.
I'm so cold from fear.

I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
Far, far away; find comfort in pain.
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.

Tears and Rain.

Tears and Rain.

Far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.