.: I Do/Don't Care :.

Place : Home, recovering from a bad eye infection
Mode : Really, really emotional
Currently listening to : The lil voice inside my head telling me to get a grip!

It’s really difficult for me to let go of things I truly care about.

It’s difficult to tell my mind to just forget about it, pretending it doesn’t matter; when my heart’s just aching to say “I do care!”

I don’t like it when I go into all “emo-mode”, like I’m now, coz I hate being reminded that I’m a very sensitive person by nature. And no matter how hard I try being cold, no matter how hard I try being heartless, I end up crouching underneath my blanket at night, crying myself to sleep. I understand that sometimes, it’s good that we do not take things too personally. But this is me; the whole package – take it all, or leave it all.

I do not like being told “I like it that you’re nice and really do care for people selflessly” but on the other hand, being told by the same person “You shouldn’t take things people say/do too personally”.

Sometimes I wish that I can be more selfish, and think of myself, rather than go through all the trouble for someone in need, and in return, being hurt by that same person.

I wish I can be a cold, heartless, selfish b***h, rather than being a band-aid that everyone seems to taking advantage of!

Updates:

I'm being reminded from a conversation I had with God that this is not what God wants of me.