There's something that I feel that I should get off my chest this time round.
I made a comment on someone's (which I shall not name) blog, which sparked some controvesy to some people. I do not know if it's just some misunderstanding on my side, or theirs, or both. But I would really like to clarify and express what I have to say.
After noticing some comments made by one of her coursemate, I posted a note on her messageboard which say just this "
J sounds like meanie. Is he?" and after several postings later, I just typed in "I think
J is a meanie".
To such comments, which I was bombarded by two person.
Well, this is what I have to say to both;
J, I know you and
Y have some issues, whether or not is in a joking manner albeit you don't mean what you say/do to her, and it was just something you would do to your close friends or perhaps you have something against her, I don't know. But let me (as someone a few years your senior) give you some friendly advice on this matter.
What you do to others, you might consider friendly, harmless, playful to you. But what you might not know is that you might accidentally offend that person. Don't get me wrong, I'm giving you a benefit of a doubt that you do not intentionally mean any harm to anyone, even to
Y.But
J, you have to know is that different person reacts to the same situation differently.
Let me quote you an example that you might relate to. For example, me calling you a meanie, if it was the other way round, I would take it as a joke, laugh at it (and perhaps come out with some witty comments to counter it). It wasn't my intention to offend you, or to insult you in any ways. If you have felt that way, then I sincerely apologise and I want to assure you that that was definately not my intention to begin with.
As someone very close to
Y, in fact, I've known her far more longer that you or
W, I know that in spite of the cool, cold,I-don't-care, you-can't-hurt-me upfront she project to you guys, there's also the vunerable, sensitive side of her that you might have never seen. But I have.
J, I would just hope that in dealing with people, you would try to consider their feelings and emotions. Some people might be sensitive to one issues, others might have a tendency to be more sensitive on another issue. Again, as I've highlighted, different people are different. God made no two alike. Not you, not her, not me.
I really do hope that you learn to be more tactful, some things in life you have to learn to read in between the lines. Sometimes, people don't have to say "By doing/saying that, you hurt me", but from their reactions, their facial expression, body language, etc, you should gather how they feel.
I know your intentions are good. And as
W said, if there's really someone who would stand up for Y if she's bullied, you'd be the first to do it. I never would have doubted that, but please, do try to consider what I've said.
To
W, thank you for your long comment to defend your friend
J. But again, as I've highlighted earlier, it wasn't my intention to offend anyone.
As you have mentioned, it's not really nice to call someone a meanie when I don't even really know him. But to be fair, I ask of you this. Is it fair to call someone other names, like say problem kid, b***h, she-male, etc to someone you only know for a year or two. Let me put it to you this way. If you have a friend you know for life (i.e. from the day she was born) wouldn't you stand up and defend her when she's being treated that way? I'm sure you would, considering that you have stood up for
J, someone whom you only knew for like what? Two years, maybe three?
Yes, I agree with you, everyone has his or her pride and ego, which was why J fired back when he was called a meanie. Now, isn't it fair to say that
Y has her pride and ego too? Or are you trying to imply that she doesn't fall under the catergory of "everyone"? When she's (in your own words) "targeted and becomes the butt of all jokes", instead of keeping quiet, she stood up for herself, and fire back (though I do not endorse the words or physical actions she uses).
Now, you ask her to ignore it, but on the other hand, you mentioned that if you too were in J's position, you would react the same way as he had? Isn't that contradicting yourself? Why wasn't the same advise to keep quiet and smile applies to
J?
Now, please don't get me wrong, I have nothing personal against you or
J. But I believe that one should be fair to consider other people's feelings when doing or saying something.
And another thing which I believe that I need to clarify, is the comment that as a family member, I do not see the side that you guys, as her friend see. Well, let me just say that I act both as a capacity of an elder sister as well as a good friend to her. If you think no one provokes her at home, you have obviously not met her brother when his much younger. But I have. And I see her being physical hurting someone, trust me, I know. You can ask her younger brother to verify that.
But as a family member (a close one to that) I know her inside out. She confides in me in almost everything. And I really want to highlight is that if at all there's someone who can judge her among three of us, it would be me.
To be fair, I know
Y is old enough to stand up for herself if she's ever at all being bullied. The same way I know
J can stand up for himself. But the reason why I posted something in her blog is exactly (I would hope) the same reason why you too had left a comment on behalf of
J. And no, it's not because of a free dinner, okay? :)
So dear
J and
W, I do hope that you take my comments with an open mind and heart. Please let me emphasis that it is not intended of targeted to hurt or offend anyone.
And I do apologise if it had.
I would like to end this, with a statement that indeed
milo is very nice.....
p/s: A year your senior is not a few year's your senior. For that, I'm very very very much offended :)
