Monday, June 11, 2007

.: My Crush :.

Rules: For those who have been tagged, you are required to write a story about one of your crushes, be it a current or a previous crush. To be exactly different from the common tags, there is no questions imposed this time. All you have to do is write a story about him/her. Also, 5 persons will need to be tagged at the end of the post. You must post up these rules before you start writing.

My dear cousin Yin tagged me a couple of days back. And she claimed that I would most likely be too busy with work that I will have no time to reply this tag. Well Yin, for YOUR sake, I will sacrifise my lunch-times to try and finish up this tag, okies-dokies? So nice of me right? Yeah, I already know... *ehem*ehem*

By the way Yin, it's been an unofficial, understood rule that you DO NOT return tag to someone (unless otherwise specified), so your tag to Julian is NOT VALID. Please go find someone else so that you have tagged 5 persons (not one less). No cheating allowed. *hehe*

Story about my crush(es)?

Where do I begin?

Hmmm, sounds like I have loads of crushes till I can't actually keep track right? *wink*

To be honest, I have only a couple of crushes ever since I can remember. And most of them remained crushes (i.e. I never told them that I felt that way for them). It was merely small crushes, did not reach the stage where I stalked them or worshipped the ground they walk on (some of my friends actually did that - kinda scary isn't it?)

It's just a little crush
Not like I faint everytime we touch
It's just some little fling
Not like everything I do
Depends on you
~ Jennifer Paige~

My last crush back in high school was when I was in early Form 3. And subsequent to that, I thought I would not have anymore of it, but I was proven so so so wrong.

I actually noticed that my crushes are mostly the kind of guys that girls would not actually have a crush on. Realistically speaking, girls usually develop crushes on guys that are relatively good looking or charming, a sweet talker (those Hollywood/Bollywood male-hunks). I, on the other hand, are more attracted to those who are shy, quiet, and low-on-the-radar, if you know what I mean. I really do have the weirdest taste when it comes to men/boys.

As I've mentioned earlier, ALL but ONE of my crushes remained just crushes. So what happened to that ONE? Well, here's where my story starts.

It was a beautiful sunny day and I was walking down in a beautiful green park, wearing my white dress and....

and I saw him....

he was standing there....

a vision of great beauty....


Wish I could tell it all happened this way, but the truth to the matter is....

I met him in PwC...


I know, so potong stim right?


My first day at work in Wisma Sime Darby. I remember I was really nervous. I don't know what to say, don't know what to expect. I met a few friends who was in the same interview session with me. It's actually nice to see a few familiar faces around. In a way, it did me little comfort.

The first two weeks was induction week. We started to mingle around, introduce (some even sell) ourselves to each other.

So what exactly was our first conversation?

I can't really recall, but if my memory serves me right, it was during tea break, and he was having a cup of coffee/milo, I went up to him, smiled, and asked him what his name was.

He introduced himself, but I don't recall him asking my name.

To keep the conversation going, I asked him which Uni was he from.

He did not manage to answer as it was time for us to get back into the meeting room.

I remembered that he helped me transferred songs from a mutual friend's laptop to mine. He asked me which music I preferred. I said "anything will do".

After induction week was over, coincidently both of us, plus some other batchmates, was not allocated a job yet. You see, in the audit firm I work for, our task allocation is based on the matrix function (i.e. teams are formed on a job to job basis). And since it was off-peak then (early August) there we were - free. I sat next to him for most of the time. Since he was always early to work, I asked him to save a place for me next to him.

During those few "free" weeks, we started to know more about each other. He taught me how to use the photocopy machine (its' that COMPLICATED ok!), we exchanged our collection of Mp3s. His was mainly the oldies and jazz, while mine was more of pop and ballad. Whatever it is, we had a lot of fun. We would joke around, he would try to come out with the corniest pick-up lines to entertain me (not use it on me ya!), talk about our colleagues (also known as gossiping....hehe).

After that few short weeks, we “went our separate ways”. He was on a long study leave for his ICAEW exams while I was busy with a job. Once in a while we do meet in office, and at those very rare occasion, we will continue to chatter about, and exchanging more Mp3s.

I had a chance to work with him on a job. It was within the same group of companies, but different company and location. I remember having dinner with him once. It was then that we got to know each other more personally.

I remembered we went on a Shell stocktake down in Port Dickson once. I never had that much fun attending a stocktake in my whole PwC days. He drove us down at 4am+ and we reached there early enough to see such a beautiful view of the oil refinery, brightly litted, with the sky painted in hues of orange, purple and blue.

He brought me to the beach after that and spend me dinner when we were back in KL.

When I was working in MidValley, we had dinner in a Japanese restaurant one Friday night. I had so much fun that I jokingly suggested that we do it every week. Little did I know that he would ask me out for a movie the next week.... and the week after that.

At that time, he was interested in another girl. A junior from his Uni. He told me alot about her. I was glad that he shared something so personal with me. I, being me, wanted to help him out with that girl (figures why my MSN nick used to be Baby Cupid). He would call that girl every week, and then call me to tell me the outcome of the conversation. I would sometimes offer advise on how to approach her.

It was somewhere during April that we started to attend class together. Since he was the only friend I knew there, I asked him to save a place for me next to him in class. It was only for two weeks, then I went back to work again and he continued with another class.

It was then that I realised that I started to think of him; started to look forward to his calls or his smses.

I called my close friends and cousins.

"I think I got a crush on a colleague of mine. HELP! I'm too old for crushes!"

They laughed at me at first, and I join them, laughing at myself for having such a silly crush.

But the situation got more complicated when he started giving mixed-signals. Sometimes, he hints that he enjoys my company, but other times he would tell me that he treats me like a little sister.

I was frusrated with the whole situation, and I remember posting this on my old blogsite;

Hope that you will be able to see me as a girl, rather than some good buddy you hang out with...
Hope that you will treat me like a princess, rather than some football teammates after a match...
Hope that you will be able to feel, how I feel towards you... For what's worth, I'm just like any other girl...
If circumstances were different, if we would have meet differently...
Would there ever be a chance?
Or will we still end up the way we are now?
I'm your friend, your buddy, your pal... everything... but not a girl that you want to spend your life with or at least even date...
Used to be proud of the fact that I was treated like one of the guys... The crude jokes, the sinister plans, the roughness and masculinity of everything...
Envy those girls you flirt with,
those girls you fall in love with,

those girls you share your happiness with...
For I'm the girl you go to when your feeling down,

or when you screw up on your job
or when you are lonely and needed company
for I'm always available weekends after weekends after weekends...
Will this forever be my fate? Or will there be a chance that one day ugly duckling will be seen as a beautiful swan...
Makes you wonder doesn't it?

On one hand I was trying to be a good friend for him. I thought that if he found out how I felt, it would change everything that we share now, and I was not ready to lose that. On the other hand, I was trying to convience myself that it was just a crush and like all my other crushes, it would eventually fade off.

So I continued on, acting like nothing happened.

I was on MSN with him one night. We started casually chatting about anything and everything. Mostly blah-blahs since he was over-stressed from studying. One conversation topic led to another. It was then that he asked me if I liked him.

I froze.

I was cornered.

I confessed, with the fear of the possibility of losing a good friend.

He too then told me he liked me too.

And one thing led to another..... and here we are......

*all smiles*

Dear John,
A short dedication to you on our 13th monthiversary (which is tomorrow). I know you don't celebrate monthiversaries. I know how silly the idea seems to you.
But anyhows, I LOVE YOU.

I tag :

1. Tamie 2. Kevin 3. Swi Shyang 4. Soo Ann 5. Ling Fei

I'm very sure that once these people start up a blog, they will repost this tag. Right, right, right?


~Yin Fung~ said...

That was sweet!!!
I'm a noobie so I don't know that I can't return tags lahhh!!!

p/s: I was just reminding not threatening! hehehe

Kathlynn said...

now only you know your cousin so sweet ah...

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