Wednesday, September 7, 2011

.: You Can Say I'm A Dreamer :.

Been having some weird dreams (have it ever been normal? hmmm) two nights in a row.

The theme of these dreams are about forgiveness. Perhaps God is trying to ask me to let go of the past hurts & disappointments and start afresh with these three particular people. In my dreams, I told them I missed them and the way we used to be.

I was, at one point in time of my live, very very close to these three people. They were everything to me and I loved (perhaps I still do love) them and care for them very much.

Somehow, for person A, we just drifted apart. And when I found out that she was bad-mouthing me behind my back, I got really annoyed and choose to shut her of. Being family, I do see her a couple of times in a year, but somehow, it has become just the customary hi-bye greeting shared between us and nothing more. It pains me much that our relationship has drifted this way for she was the very person I spend most of my time with during my toddler days. If I recall correctly, she was the very person who taught me to read my first book at the age of three. In my dreams, I told her I was upset with her for the past, but want to work things out between her. I do hope that somehow, in real life, this dream would crystallize.

For person B, we drifted apart because of the fact that he has to choose side between me & another person which I was had conflicted, and naturally, he choose her side. I don't blame him, for that's what I expect him to do, it's just sad that our very close friendship had to end that way. We were really close and used to confide in everything with each other. Even a short misunderstanding that caused us to give each other the silent treatment lasted only a short while and it was all over when he sent me a text on CNY eve that says "'re the best friend I ever had.." which brought tears to my eyes. In my dream, he was very distraught and was trying to tell me some bad news that have befallen on him, but before he did, I woke up (from the backache that I was suffering). Tho I know that it is very likely that we ever reconcile, I do wish him all the best in his future, and hopefully the dream of something bad is not premeditation of his existing situation.

For person C, it is only been of late that there were issues that happened leading me to be very disappointed and upset. It was more upsetting that in this particular dream, we drifted even further and was blatantly ignoring each other. I can also, in my dreams, sense that my late-Grandpa was not very happy with this and to cause him great disappointment in me make me even more so disappointed with myself. In real life, because of the above incident, I have tried to distant myself away for this group of people, hoping that by doing so, I will save myself for much more disappointment in the future. It's like I'm trying to stop loving this group of people (person C included) so that I can avoid getting hurt from them. But this dream made me realise that I can't. No matter how much I try to distant myself, I find myself even more concern about them. I care for them so deep in my core that I can't bear to distant myself from them. So I took a step today and started FB chat with one of them, asking him bout his Uni life and all. Perhaps a step at a time til all is reconciled.

Anyways, I just pray to God that I learn to let go all the pain & grief & disappointments I harbour inside me, and hopefully I will learn to forgive & forget. In His words, "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."

1 comment:

goingkookies said...


u ve described what i ve been feeling this past 5 years... and an issue close to my heart that i just never really put into words as eloquently as i wanted to.

i, too have been learning in this past 2 years to forgive n forget.. not just that, to take the first step to bridge that gap.

i hope in time, u'll be able to let go of those hurts and disappointments and try to look past them and perhaps, be a friend to them once again.

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