Wednesday, July 25, 2007

.: ICAEW Exam :.

Monday was D-Day where I had my TACT1 exams. It was dead difficult. When the whole thing was over, I literally leaned against the wall in exhaustion. Exams was for 3 1/2 hours. 3 1/2 long hours or writing, thinking, calculation all simultaneously. Well the thinking part was literally left out coz I didn't have the time to actually THINK.

It's frustrating really, after all the revision and preparation that I've done. Even minutes before entering the hall, I feel like I've learnt nothing, as if I've never attended any classes or did any revisions. I was really shaken then. It was nice that one of my batchmates, Gaya gave me a hug. It was what I needed then.

Going into the hall, I sat at my allocated place right in front - first row, first table. Arranged my books (it's an open book exam, so I wasn't cheating) neatly on the desk, took out my stationery and started filling the attandance card. I put down my pen, looked at the big clock in front of me. Two more minutes till 4.30 pm. I closed my eyes, said a lil prayer. And as the invigilator asked us to start the paper, I took a deep breath, open my eyes, and flipped the paper open.

.... 3 1/2 hours passed just like that...

Everything that I've learned in the past 7 weeks, will be reflected in this paper. It's all or nothing.

I didn't had a good feeling after the exams. Minus the headache and gastric I was suffering at that moment, I still felt lousy - even until today.

Part of me just know for sure that I won't make it this round.

But there's also this part of me that still clings to the hope that by God's grace I could marginally pass.

No matter what, I know that it's beyond my control now, and I should leave it all in God's hands. I've done what I thought was the best I could do given the circumstances. There's always room for improvement, no doubt about it. But no regrets.

Having said that, no matter how hard I try to mentally prepare myself for the worse case scenario, I know when that day arrive, I will still be sad and most likely end up crying.

And that is the same day where Malaysia would celebrate her 50th independence day.

Indeed, MERDEKA to some.

Unfortunately not all.

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