Nuffnang

Friday, April 11, 2008

.: Untitled :.

It has always been of the little things you take for granted in life, and when that opportunity ceases, you're left with nothing but memories.

It's going to be the 2nd year death anniversary of my Grandpa this coming Sun. He's been on my mind alot recently, and never was there a time when I talk about/thought of him that tears do not well up in my eyes. I really do miss him.

The reality is that I’m really alone when it comes to facing the day to day life. And the world can really be such a cruel and unforgiving place. It’s really nice to know that in everything that I’m going through, God is always watching my back and guiding me. In that way, I’m not alone per say, but it would really help if there was someone (as in a physical being) to be there for me when I feel so empty and lonely. It wouldn't take away all the emptiness, all the pain, all the loneliness, but it would really help alleviate all those negative thoughts and feelings. A hug and a “Don’t worry, everything will turn out ok…” is what I really need sometimes.

It has always been an unanswered question on whether or not I would find that someone or would that person only turn out to be just an image of a person that I wanted her or him to be?

I really have been thinking about death lately - probably due to the fact that my Grandpa was on my mind of late, though I've been trying so firmly to avoid that topic. Those thoughts has been visiting my mind alot, treating my mind like it's playground. It's not suicidal thoughts (please do not fret), but... it's as if some inner guts telling me to prepare myself for that.

I taught my dad, mum and brother to play mahjong last night. It's been forever since we really did something fun togehter as a family. I cried myself to sleep that night.

It’s really difficult, but I’m trying to cope with whatever lil I have left.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

I pray and hope that whoever that this message that you've intended it to will materialise. It's always a nice feelin to have a person whom you can share and face things together, a person who could accept whoever you are and yet take you as it is and both in union. Then, life wouldn't be so much more difficult. I believe it's always difficult to find that someone who could take you as it is and you could take him as it is and both could click on and support each other, build each other, complement each other. If found, it's definitely something that should be cherish and appreciated. My happiness be with you.

Yin Fung said...

2 years??? had it been that long? Well life is short for us to fret daily. Think of your love ones, ESPECIALLY ME(hahahaha)! We love you and we have faith in you. =) ~hugs~


I pray that you will be happy forever and ever so that I can feel happy for you forever and ever too. Cheers to our happily ever after ok, =)

rmb the half filled cup and the mayonnaise jar? half full but not half emptry. u taught me tat.

Kathlynn said...

Two years.. It's really been that long..

Life is indeed too short to start worryin bout the small small lil things til I never get to actually live, but sometimes, things are easier said and done.

I'm tryin tho :)
Thanks for being there as alwiz when I needed someone...

Kathlynn said...

It's really nice and comforting to know that you have someone you are close to that you can share everything with.

It will really ease the pain alot.

I do not know if that person does exist. My friends and family only know bits and pieces of my life, but I've not shares everything with that ONE someone.

Maybe she/he exist, maybe she/he doesn't. Hopefully, I'll live long enough to tell :)

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