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It has always been of the little things you take for granted in life, and when that opportunity ceases, you're left with nothing but memories.

It's going to be the 2nd year death anniversary of my Grandpa this coming Sun. He's been on my mind alot recently, and never was there a time when I talk about/thought of him that tears do not well up in my eyes. I really do miss him.

The reality is that I’m really alone when it comes to facing the day to day life. And the world can really be such a cruel and unforgiving place. It’s really nice to know that in everything that I’m going through, God is always watching my back and guiding me. In that way, I’m not alone per say, but it would really help if there was someone (as in a physical being) to be there for me when I feel so empty and lonely. It wouldn't take away all the emptiness, all the pain, all the loneliness, but it would really help alleviate all those negative thoughts and feelings. A hug and a “Don’t worry, everything will turn out ok…” is what I really need sometimes.

It has always been an unanswered question on whether or not I would find that someone or would that person only turn out to be just an image of a person that I wanted her or him to be?

I really have been thinking about death lately - probably due to the fact that my Grandpa was on my mind of late, though I've been trying so firmly to avoid that topic. Those thoughts has been visiting my mind alot, treating my mind like it's playground. It's not suicidal thoughts (please do not fret), but... it's as if some inner guts telling me to prepare myself for that.

I taught my dad, mum and brother to play mahjong last night. It's been forever since we really did something fun togehter as a family. I cried myself to sleep that night.

It’s really difficult, but I’m trying to cope with whatever lil I have left.