Thursday, December 15, 2011

.: Dear Sixteen Year Old Me :.

Dear Sixteen Year Old Me

Happy Birthday! You have just celebrated your sweet sixteen! Not exactly a birthday that will be featured on MTV’s My Super Sweet Sixteen, but with family members (as you have always had in the past). You will, regardless the small birthday do, feel totally blessed, and you will continue to feel so in your future birthday celebrations with them. You have never been a big fan of big celebrations/parties and will continue to have these small celebrations with daddy, mummy & Ben for other milestone birthdays your 18th, your 21st. Not too sure bout your big 3-0 tho, coz I (the future you) am still not there yet.

So, what is next for you? You will be sitting for your SPM in months time! Just wanna tell you not to sweat it! You’re gonna do reasonably well (straight As!) but so what, it’s just a piece of paper which nobody probably cares five years down the road (alongside with other papers that you will be collecting soon). You will be wondering what the future holds for you. And you will be attending career fairs after career fairs, walk-in college counseling, career-compatibility test and end of the day, you’d be more confused when you started off. You will, eventually, narrow down those two choices between engineering & accountancy. Engineering, because of your passion for physics and mathematics. And accountancy, not only because you can master that subject in your SPM, but because the practical-side of you says that with this qualification, you will have a wider job opportunities. There is some truth in that, and, to let the cat out of the bag, you choose the latter. Not that all your post-SPM college-shopping has wasted your time, fret not. On the contrary, you will indirectly learn much, and later on in your life, you will be able to counsel and guide many others in their career paths (some even came back to you to thank you for that!)

The road to your accountancy professional qualification may not be easy. And there will be times that you just want to throw in the towel and give up. I share your frustration, but just hang in there, good things are yet to come! You will (finally!) graduation from this professional qualification and funnily enough, you would voluntarily take another professional qualification. I know, I know, may sound absurd, but trust me, God has bigger plans for us! Tell you more where that leads you in a bit.

You will start working with one of the Big 4 at the age of nineteen. Yes, you will be the youngest among your peer, and perhaps, because of this, you will struggle at the initial part of your career. You will be envious of your ex-schoolmate which, at this point in time, will be probably starting the first year of uni, while you are slaving in the corporate world over deadlines, adapting to the quirks of different bosses as well as getting used to the long hours. You’d probably shed tears, lose sleep (but sadly, you will NOT lose weight, but rather, put on a few pounds!) and you’d be wondering what’s wrong with you that you cannot cope. I just want to console you and tell you that it is NOT your fault. And no, the rest of your working life wouldn’t be like this uphill battle that you are trying to fight. And I know that you rub off everyone’s advise that ‘it will get better’, but it’s true it WILL get better. You will struggle in your decision as to stay on or leave, but eventually, you will hear a loud audible voice from God (your first encounter with God!) to go. And with that peace in your heart, you will leave. Not earlier, not later. But on that time. Timing is essential, you will not understand now, but you will eventually look back and realize what a marvelous God he is to have this perfect plan written out for you!

You will join another organization, and you would LOVE working there (at least more love than hate!). You will meet with great bosses, who will shape you and mould you to the person I am today! You will learn and pick many skills, a lot that you would not have picked up in your audit days! And partly because of this, you will do particularly well in your final professional examination papers. You will pass these papers (as much as you will helplessly struggle with them!). And it will boost your career a lil bit, and eventually, you will do reasonably well in your career life. Something you may not expect after your encounter with your first job, but yes, you will get there. Be patient!

Oh yes, you would have recently had your heart broken. And I know that it hurts! Especially more so because it’s our first love. But like the song goes, first cut is the deepest. And, like all heartaches & heartbreaks, your heart will eventually heal. So it’s ok. Cry it out! Write about it! Express it through playing the piano! Do what you need to do, and *big hugz* you will survive this! You will meet someone, who will expedite your healing process, and you will eventually learn to love again. Cliché, I know. But that’s how life is, full of clichés! And you will be in the next relationship for a fairly long time, for three years plus, but it wouldn’t work out in the end. You’d probably by then be swearing off men, jokingly telling everyone that you will be a lesbo and tell yourself that you will not settle down and want to travel and see the world. Pssst, let you in on a secret tho. You will meet someone else. And. You will end up marrying him! I know you probably won’t believe it, and cannot imagine yourself to finally settle down, but yes. You will. And the day you walk down the church aisle, you will feel something you have never felt in your heart before. It will feel stronger than the butterflies in your stomach. It will outshine the thumping beats of your heart. And yes, you will finally marry the love of your life (no, you didn’t ran off from cold feet). I will let you savor that moment without revealing too much. But, just remember to ask your bridesmaid to have some tissues ready. Yes, you will cry on your wedding day (no matter how hard you try not to!). Oh, word of advise - it wouldn’t hurt to start dreaming of your wedding day now. It will allow you to be more prepared when you start planning the day as I have absolutely no vision of how the day should turn out!

Your husband-to-be (my husband-already-is) will not be exactly the kind of guy that will sweep you off your feet. He will be one of the more unromantic, straightforward person you have met. How you, I mean we, end up marrying him still remains a mystery until this very day *grins*. Where will you meet him you ask? Well, you will bump into each other on your first day of work. He’s your batchmate you see. Yes, another accountant. How boring, you say? Tell me bout it! You guys will hit it off immediately, as in you will be great friends! At this point, you are still attached to someone else and he has his eye on another. You will see more of each other when both of you take the same professional papers (see, told you that there was something that came out of the second qualification aside from the paper). It is when the both of you became much closer, and like they say it, the rest is history! I must warn you that it wouldn’t be smooth sailing from all the way. And life is more like a bed of thorns than roses for the both of you. You guys will fight at each other. You guys will shout and scream at each other. Fall short of strangling at each other throat. But throughout these times is where you learn more bout each other, and more bout youself. Both of you learn to compromise. Learn to give and take. And of coz, the future you is still learning all these along our married life!

Oh, you will finally have a place where you can call your own well technically you both have to share it! And no, he lied about the puppy that he will get you once you move in with him (smack him for me when you meet him, will you?) You will have to share a bed with him (sad, I know) and yes, he snores too! Being married will probably take away much time, and you will be too busy to be organizing get together with your ex-schoolmates by now, but do remember them ok?

And, speaking of ex-schoolmates, you’d be surprise to know that you will still keep in touch with a few of them. And the crazy bunch of girls you have befriended with in Form 3 will end up being your ji muis on your wedding day. And sadly, they will be more engrossed trying to find ways to torture you during your hen’s night rather than the torture the groom and his heng tais on your wedding date. You will keep in touch via email as many of them will be all over the place. But you will love them as much as (or even more so) you have in your secondary school days! There will be some fall-out, there will be those you are very close with, but sadly, you will lose touch.

Speaking of fallouts, you will have plenty of those with Mummy. I know that being at this age, there are plenty of things you want to be done your way, and being obstinate just like Mummy, there are plenty of clashes throughout the years. Just a word of advise, try to be as patient as you can be, hold your tongue and more importantly, try not to let your temper run lose. Yes, her words might hurt you, but just remember, she loves you as much as you love her, and though sometimes you may question if it is true, it is true. She loves you! And when you move out, you are gonna realize how much you miss her. Oh, and daddy’s not getting you a pony or a puppy for your 26th birthday, but you’d love what he gave you anyhows! Yes, daddy is still gonna be the same, he’s gonna get on your nerves once in a while, but all will be forgotten really fast!

Kong-kong passed away after his long battle with cancer. And you will miss him very dearly. It's ok that you will tear whenever you think of him and is missing him. I still do now, And, you will make a promise to him in a few years time. I can't remember the exact year, but it will be during Chinese New Year's eve, and it will be before the discovery of his stomach cancer. You will be taking this promise very seriously, and will try your utmost best to fulfill this promise. You will encounter times where you would want to give up, and there are nights that you would cry, wondering if you had fail him, wondering if you could keep that very promise that you have made. It is not easy, and I know that you will feel that giving it up is the best solution. But hang in there. Sleep over it, forget about the disappointments and the frustrations you will encounter. Always remember that the title 'jie' does come with this burden and responsibility. Be proud that he trust you to keep this wish of his. Never forget that!

Dear Sixteen Year Old Me,

I have so much to tell you. There are times where I wished I had made better decisions with our life. There are things which I wished I have done or not do. Mistakes that I have made throughout these years. But no, I won’t stop you from making those mistakes. They are, afterall, what makes us to be who we are today. I just want you to just enjoy life the way it should be enjoyed. And no worries, looking back, I have absolutely no regrets of the choices we have made be it the right choices or the wrong choices. And I am pretty sure there are plenty of good things that lies ahead!

See you in a couple of years (more like in a decade from now)!

Lots of love & hugs & kisses,
Twenty Six Year Old You

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