.: Royal Easter Show :.

One happy (adult) kid that i got to attend the Sydney Royal Easter show, not once, but twice!

There is just heaps to do - cow milking, pig racing, cooking demo, fireworks, dogshows, etc. And if I could, I would have gone back there the third time. I know, I know, I am just a big kid! :)

.: Flowers To You :.

I love receiving flowers, tho I rarely get them these days as I used to in the past (here & here) *big hint to The Husband*

Today is my mom's birthday, and even tho we have had an early birthday celebration during my short visit back KL a couple of weeks ago, I thought I should surprise her with a nice bouquet of flowers. I placed my order with HappyBunch last night, and they delivered it to her doorstep just earlier today.

She was exceptionally pleased, send pics to us on our wider whatsapps group (my maternal aunties, uncles & cousins group), to our immediate family group (the six of us) and also to me personally.

She modeled it on the table, on the floor, in a vase - everywhere!

I am glad that she is happy to have received such a small gift that really made her day.

Once, The Husband told me that every year, his dad would faithfully go to his late-mom's grave and bring her red roses, coz his mom loved red roses. So I asked The Husband "Did you dad buy flowers for you mom when she's alive?"."Never" he replied. And I think that is quite sad. Don't get me wrong, it's a beautiful gesture what his dad did there, but it would have been much better if he did all those while he is alive?

I learn from there that is is truly more meaningful to do certain things - like giving flowers, when one is alive.

The other is of giving eulogy - which is why I am so glad that during my late grandma's 80th birthday, we all made a video for her from all of us telling her what we love about here, what we remember her most by, what is our favorite food that she's made, etc. Everytime I think of her, I think of that day where we showed her that video and hope that she passed away knowing how much we love her.

.: Flashback : Toothbrushes :.

On my recent trip back to Malaysia, I dropped by my hometown in Klebang (Malacca).

It has never been quite the same since the passing of my late grandpa almost a decade back.

And now, with the passing of my late grandma, things have changed even more.

As I step into the house, no longer greeted by the hyperactive Benji (which I call him) or Bingo (which my grandad named him), who passed away due to old age a year or two back.

I was no longer greeted by my petite grandma, with her warm hugs and even warmer smile.

The house, with its lack of occupant, feels so empty and cold, in contrast to the memories that I have of that place - which is warm and familiar. It's true what they say, a home is only a house without your loved ones in it.

I looked at the ceiling-high glass cabinet, which my grandpa so proudly display his wedding photos and that of his children, together with his collectibles and paraphernalia.

As I walked up the stairs, I looked at the floor carpet that we will usually roll out during special occasions like CNY (tho I did saw it in some photos during my mom night-before-wedding ceremony, which means that carpet is older than me!).

I walked into Kung Kung room, and look at the black and white photo of him when he was younger - before he married my Poh Poh.

Then, when I walked into the upstairs bathroom, I choked holding back my tears when I saw this.

Strange how one (free) cup can stir so much emotions in me. This cup for the longest time I could remember, has held many, many toothbrushes. When we used to have events back in Malacca, those who are not local will stay over at Klebang, which could be as many as 15 of us. And everytime we leave, this cup will have more toothbrushes than it did before we arrive. And everyone will deny it's theirs the next time we are back (again, bringing toothbrushes that will also be left behind again).

Now with both my grandparents gone, I know that the gatherings we used to have will be less frequent. And there may come a time, where it will completely stop altogether, especially when this house is sold.

I wish there is a way to preserve this. Preserve this home. Preserve this tradition.

To turn back time and savor every moment all over again.

.: Saying Goodbye :.

I wish it's true what some has told me, that it will eventually get easier with time. But having done this for the third time in slightly less than two years, it really doesn't. If anything, it gets harder and harder each time. 

I wish that it's all about looking forward to the day we will meet again. Instead I count in misery of the hours and miles we are are apart. And though human have boasted on how far advance we have come along with modern communication technology to keep us connected, it doesn't replace hugs or scents or just being next to you.

Anyways, this is the price I need to pay to be here.

Sometimes I wonder if it's all worth the trade-off?

I guess only time will tell. But till then, just wanna let you know that I miss you so very much my dear family.

Til we reunite again.