.: Status :.

Currently reading : Amy Tan - The Valley of Amazement

Currently feeling : Slightly contented

Quote from previous read : When she had achieved almost everything she wanted in life, she had reached the conclusion that her existence had no meaning, because every day was the same.

.: Laugh Til Your Belly Hurts :.

It's been a while since I had one of those laugh.

A laugh that tickles you, that you laugh so uncontrollably, your belly hurts, tears streams down your eyes and you continuously gasp for air.

Laugh that you can't stop. No matter how you tried. And this was over "pau". Cheras pau. Yip Chee Mei Pau. Don't ask. Seriously. 

But it surely made my day!

When's the last time you experience one of those laughs?

.: Draw :.

For the strangest reasons I have the tiniest veins (so says my a anesthesiologist when he was looking for my veins - not thru the naked eyes mind you, but from this thingymajiggy machine).

It usually takes a couple of jabs before my veins at my arms could be located, causing multiple bruises as an indication of attempts.

Today, it was on the first attempt - my lucky day, says the lab assistant.

However, the bruise is as big as a one dollar coin (or dua puluh sen coin).

This is how drawing blood from me is like.

.: Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone) :.

Amazing grace

How sweet the sound

That saved a wretch like me

I once was lost, but now I'm found

Was blind, but now I see

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear

And grace my fears relieved

How precious did that grace appear

The hour I first believed

My chains are gone

I've been set free

My God, my Savior has ransomed me

And like a flood His mercy reigns

Unending love, amazing grace

The Lord has promised good to me

His word my hope secures

He will my shield and portion be

As long as life endures

My chains are gone

I've been set free

My God, my Savior has ransomed me

And like a flood His mercy reigns

Unending love, amazing grace

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow

The sun forbear to shine

But God, Who called me here below,

Will be forever mine.

Will be forever mine.

You are forever mine.

A lil twist to a old classic hymn - by Chris Tomlin.

(Ones in blue are the twist to this song)

Told The Husband that this will be one of the songs played in my funeral :)

(Pls remind him, should he forgets - which he most likely will)

.: Sinking In :.

It hit me hard earlier today that there are some things that haven't quite sink in yet with me.

Perhaps, I am in denial, and rather not face the truth and I am underplaying the magnitude and the seriousness of this predicament, convincing others and myself the same.

Perhaps, it's really what it - nothing serious, all just paranoia and being extra careful.

Or perhaps, subconsciously, I have actually given up and lost the will to carry on.

.: (Do) You Wanna Make A Memory? :.

Mention Jon Bon Jovi, and one would think rock-and-roll. Living On A Prayer. It's My Life. Wanted Dead or Alive.

I love those songs. I am a big fan!

But there is something about the softer, less popular song of his that I enjoy even more. I'm All About Loving You. Thank You For Loving Me. 

Rekindled my love for his song recently, esp this You Want To (Make A Memory). There is just something about this song.

I plugged in my earphones and was tuned up my (mute) volume and played my Spotify, when my colleague next to me looked and me and laughed, and said "You're earphones are not plugged in properly!" 

Which means, here I was happily sitting with my earphones plugged into my ear and she and prolly those within close proximity as we are sitting in open cubicle area have heard You Want To (Make A Memory) blast from my speakers, while I am wondering why is the music not already playing. Gosh. I was (and still am) mortified.

"County-ish love song?" she asked, still laughing

"Jon Bon Jovi" I replied. "Oh, just kill me now, I am beyond mortified."

It was a good laugh, but I am still slightly embarrassed.

Hello again, it's you and me

Kinda always like it used to be

Sippin' wine, killing time

Trying to solve life's mysteries

How's your life, it's been a while?

God it's good to see you smile

I see you reaching for your keys

Looking for a reason not to leave

If you don't know if you should stay

If you don't say what's on your mind

Baby just breathe

There's nowhere else tonight we should be

You wanna make a memory

I dug up this old photograph

Look at all that hair we had

It's bitter sweet to hear you laugh

Your phone is ringin' I don't wanna ask

If you go now I'll understand

If you stay, hey, I've gotta plan

You wanna make a memory?

You wanna steal a piece of time?

You can sing the melody to me

And I can write a couple lines

You wanna make a memory

If you don't know if you should stay

And you don't say what's on your mind

Baby just breathe

There's nowhere else tonight we should be (We should be)

(We should be)

You wanna make a memory?

You wanna steal a piece of time?

You can sing the melody to me

And I can write a couple lines

You wanna make a memory

You wanna make a memory

.: Flashback : Soya Bean :.

There are some childhood memory that I vividly remember - down to the very last detail. It's like a snapchat of that moment (be it 5 secs or 5 mins) and I recall the sight, sounds, almost as if I am there at that moment all over again.

This memory is one of them.

When I was younger, we had a pasar malam right opposite our housing estate. 

Just need to cross a two-lanes "highway" (mind you, this was pre-LDP days) and we are there.

It's a weekly affair for our family - me, bro and my parents would often pop by.

My dad loves his soya bean and the occasional tau fu fah. He would often drop by the soya bean seller, and order a cup of soya bean or a bowl of warm tau fu fah in a red-and-white acrylic bowl, consumed on the spot, while standing up. 

I often tagged along with my dad (as my mom wonders off somewhere else). And when he gets his order, he would of course share that with me. 

My dad is a very tall man, probably taller than 6 foot. At that time, I was around five or six, so prolly half that height.

So back to this particular incident.

I was standing there, distracted by something else, and then without looking, I just tugged my dad's shirt (an indication that I want a scoop or a sip of his order). When I looked all the way up, obviously expecting my dad to hand me a scoop, to my horror, that wasn't my dad looking back at me. I tugged the wrong man's shirt! I was mortified, obviously. 

And my vivid memory stops there, and the rest is all a blur.

Lesson learn : 

Not every man is my daddy.
But my daddy is my every man! 

.: Once In Your Life :.

Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement.

They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are.

The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face.

In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon.

You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile.

Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.

Bob Marley

Such a beautiful quote isn't it?

.: Organ Donor :.

Checking off my list a tick at a time.

This has always been one of the things I have been thinking and talking about, but never quite got to actually doing anything about it. Truth to be told, if I continue to procrastinate, I would never get it done.

So, to (finally) walk the talk, as of today, I am a registered transplant organ donor in Australia. 

I like this interesting ploy to create awareness of organ donation. And I hope that many will take this step to help out, as there are heaps of people in the waiting list for organ transplant. 

While I am still alive, I thrive to make a difference in as many lives as I could but I sincerely feel that being an organ donor is seriously a way I can make a big difference in one or more lives, even in death. 

On a lighter note, not sure if any of my organs are of use. Afterall, my lungs capacity is crappy (I could never run as my lungs are not trained for running, haha), my liver has been subjected to 3 months of legal narcotics (so there's prolly some serious damage there), there is something not quite right with my heart (not quite sure what is wrong just yet, tho a GP had recently looked at my ECG and said I have a quote "perfect heart" .. awwww...). But my brain should be alright, almost new, barely used! :)

.: Kath's List :.

I have been thinking about it for a while, and I need to do it. Stop thinking. And start doing. Afterall, I'll never know how much more time I have left. 

And so, the list starts. I literally scribbled all the things that I wanted to do for myself, the things I wanted to say to the people I love and care about and the things I wanted to give and do for others. 

This is where it all begins. Everything starts here, today.



“What are you going to do with your life?" In one way or another it seemed that people had been asking her this forever; teachers, her parents, friends at three in the morning, but the question had never seemed this pressing and still she was no nearer an answer... "Live each day as if it's your last', that was the conventional advice, but really, who had the energy for that? What if it rained or you felt a bit glandy? It just wasn't practical. Better by far to be good and courageous and bold and to make difference. Not change the world exactly, but the bit around you. Cherish your friends, stay true to your principles, live passionately and fully and well. Experience new things. Love and be loved, if you ever get the chance.”

- David Nicholls : One Day -

.: Swiss Cheese Model :.

“Memory is a machine,” he says, “and it is not flawless. Our conscious mind prioritizes things by importance, but on a cellular level, our memory does not. If you’re capable of forgetting your cellphone, you are potentially capable of forgetting your child.”

Swiss cheese model where catastrophic failures can occur in organizations despite multiple layers of defense.

A real sad article to read.

Full article here

.: Heart :.

"My heart hurts." she said.

"Literally or figuratively?" he asked.

"Both." she replied. 

"I wish it could be fixed, eitherway." he responded.

"So do I. So do I." she cried.

.: Daddy's Little Girl :.

When you have always treated me as your equal - sharing an equal half of the last piece with me.

But with daddy, it's different - coz he gives me the whole of that last piece. 

And that's how I know that it's a different sort of love; and that I'll always be daddy's little girl.

 

.: Resonate :.

It's really frightening how so much of what he's written resonates with me. Hits so close to home.

Frightening indeed.

Currently reading : Paulo Coelho's Veronika Decides to Die
Previously read from the same author : Adultery
Would like to read from the same author : The Alchemist